Teens and Technology

A common issue faced by parents and teens is the struggle of technology.  How much is too much screen time, and what sort of restrictions, at what age, should be placed on device and social media usage?

I personally don’t believe there is a “right answer” - as every child is different - but there is a lot of research being done on teenagers and technology and the results might surprise you.  This research helps us to get closer to that “right answer” and provides some insight to help make better decisions when it comes to your teens and technology.

Some teens exhibit behavior comparable to that of an addict: 72% of teens reported that they sometimes or often check their phone for notifications and messages immediately after waking up, and 56% feel lonely, upset, or anxious when they don’t have their phone.  Girls are also more likely than boys to have negative feelings, such as loneliness or anxiousness, without their phone.

However, teenagers’ opinions vary about it if they spend too much time on their phones.  Just over 50% of teens worry that they might be spending too much time on their phones, and just over half of those teens have tried to cut back on their phone usage.  Roughly 90% of teens say they often or sometimes use their phone as a way to simply pass time.

With all of this being said, there are absolutely ways to change their relationship with technology!  Below are some ways you can encourage a healthier relationship with technology for your child:

Monitor for Safety

First things first: monitoring is not snooping.  As a parent, it is your job to understand how your children are using their devices.  But being secretive about it can become an even bigger issue than the actual issue of technology!  Let your teens know that you expect them to not do anything on their phones that they wouldn’t do in person and wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing with you.  Set the expectation that you will follow them on social media (but not comment on their posts!) and will check their text messages or email if you feel it is necessary.  Adolescents are impulsive by nature (it’s literally biology) so the goal is to ensure that this natural impulsivity and lack of world experience doesn’t end up getting them in trouble.

Be the Example

If you regularly check your phone during dinner or can’t help but pick it up when it dings in the middle of a conversation with your child, how can you expect them to have healthy boundaries with technology?  The number one impact on your child’s behavior is your behavior. This means you get to set the example! There are easy ways to implement this. Remember to put your phone away during meal times, while driving, and any other set family time.  Your child will be much more likely to do the same if you don’t have your phone out while saying, “Put your phone away.”

Set Rules, and Stick to Them

In addition to being the good example, I recommend setting some tech rules, sticking to them, and following them yourself.  Maybe think about declaring tech-free zones or times. This could be as simple as no phones in bedrooms (recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics), no phone use after 8pm, or no phones while we’re talking.  Just like other house rules, they need to be enforced. If expectations are not met, privileges (the phone) are taken away. It is recommended that these technology rules be seen as any other house rule you have for your family.  As with other house rules, they tend to become more flexible, or change over time, as your teenager grows older. That can be expected with these rules, too!

Find, and Embrace, the Positive Aspects of Tech

Have technology at our fingertips (literally) provides an incredible opportunity to connect at the touch of a button.  This can be especially helpful during times that your relationship with your teen may not be the strongest. Sending a quick text (“Good luck on your test today!”) can go a long way and shows that you are on their side.

Speaking of those positive aspects, here are some benefits of technology for teenagers:

Connection and Community

Phones and technology allow us (and our teens) to build relationships even when they aren’t physically near the person.  They learn to develop community, strengthen friendships, and form their own personal identities. They often can build a sense of belonging become involved in unique communities.  When they have healthy boundaries and guidelines with technology, they’ll also learn to understanding the benefits, and consequences, of the internet and how privacy settings work within the communities they’ve built.

Communication

As a parent, this is the best part!  You can easily contact your child whenever needed.  Whether it’s a question, a sweet message, or a full-on conversation, you have the ability and flexibility to communicate immediately.  This can truly help to improve and build your relationship with your teen and is definitely a benefit of your teen having technology.

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If your teenagers understand how to navigate the internet and social media in a smart and safe way, you have the benefit of trusting them to manage their own phone use.  It is still important to be involved (as sometimes other internet users are the problem) but learning and understanding the benefits of technology while still creating guidelines can lead to a healthy relationship with technology for your teenager.